You silly ! What crossed your mind, going away like that ! Leaving nothing behind, not an address, not a message. Not even a little "sorry". They said that you left by your own initiative, that you decided to go. And we all believed them. All of us. For five long years. But we never understood. Of course, everything was leading to believe them, every spooky word at night, every act of despair. We who knew you so well, we just stayed there in the dark wondering why, doubting that we really understood you, watching our empty hands and brooding for all we did not do, for all we did not say. Why... Why... We knew though, that all of this was not like you, that this was not you. But what could we do, save accept, and stumble towards a future in which you wouldn't be. But now, we know. That you stayed true to your words, that you did not just simply yield to this choice you were refusing, that you did not give up. It is more like you, already. An accident, simply an accident. Just a little bit too much of your favourite sin. And I can hear you already asking seriously: can this be forgiven? It's not even worth asking. Of course, we already forgave you. We loved you.
You were of those who shake, but don't break. And yet... a few grains of white powder had you surrender. You lived in a world you didn't understand, like an anachronism, like a Petit Prince stranded on the wrong planet. And sometimes at night you would whisper that someday we would go back "home". I would just give a sad smile. You had a self-control other envied, never any clumsy gesture, never any useless word. You had this self-confidence that other admired, as if you carried within yourself some noble title. And people loved you, or hated you, but never forgot you. You stood for those values that all forgot long ago, respect, integrity, honor. You wanted to be an example for the world, to break chains, to change minds, to topple powers. But nobody was listening. You were of those we call angels, because they're so sensitive yet so strong. Despite all these dark pleasures in which you reveled, you still had this big chunk of innocence to you, as if you never grew up. You had a heart far too vast for you, and you tried to empty it with sighs, to fill it with smiles. You were one of those few who have known for a long time that one cannot escape, and yet who keep dreaming.
After your death, our little world went crumbling down. I stopped living for several years. You were my mentor, my balance, my future. I had no dreams left to believe in, no purpose, no goal, no future. For a long time, I thought I would not survive. But I did, because that's what you would have wanted. Our group dissolved, everyone drifting apart to carry on their lives without you. From those who stayed, few forgot you. Many regret times when you were here. We miss you. I write today for those ones who can't forget. So that everyone remembers you as a Petit Prince wearing punk cloths, lost on the side of the road. I write today for myself. So that I can carry on and live and laugh and cry ... without you. Soulmates never die.
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